When you do become assertive, you gain self-confidence and self-esteem. You improve your communication and build honest and true relationships.
One of my mentors gave me great advice. She said stand for something, stop being beige and stand for something. Being a people pleaser, this was quite confronting as I was used to going along with what everyone else wanted and therefore was living an invisible life.
Once I started standing up, in a respectful way, for what I believe in and that I chose myself, first for the benefit of me and everyone else, I became seen. I was able to express myself in ways I never felt before and my feelings became accessible, instead of me being numb all the time.
I am confident to resolve conflicts, to stand up when people are saying things that are shocking to me, I reduce or eliminate stress as I do not internalise everything anymore.
How assertive are you?
For instance, avoiding conflict at any cost might be perfectly all right for some people and never cause them any problems at all. While for others, avoiding conflict means they never get to disagree, never get to stand up for themselves, never have the experience of achieving a successful conclusion to a confrontation and then they end up feeling bad inside.
We are often too hasty to put a judgement on our actions: “This is good” or “That is bad”. If you personally identify something as a problem then it is a problem for you. It may not be a problem for someone else.
There are many benefits of becoming more assertive which will allow you to blossom as a person. You will be able to express your feelings without fear, state your views with compassion, act with integrity and honesty, and have better self-esteem and a better self-image.
Another way to promote self-confidence within you is to Power Pose.
Have you heard of Power Poses? Or posing like Wonder Woman?
There has been various research whether this is effective or not. I choose to believe it is. For an instant change in state, stand with your hands on your hips, strong body, feet should be wide apart and head facing, looking slight upward and forward.
This is where I hold the pose, breathe slowly in and out and think powerful thoughts.
I am enough!
I am strong and vital and balanced!
I am grounded!
I am powerful!
This simple change of state can transform the way you go into a difficult conversation, speak in front of a group, ask for a promotion, and when faced with a challenging situation.
It gives you presence, being there in the moment, boosts your confidence, and you can feel the blossoming of your strength and assertiveness. You can articulate what you want.
I use it when speaking in front of groups or get ready for a coaching session so I am my most present self with whomever I am with. The key is to be present, not to get caught up in the doubts and fears. By power posing you become present.
My other experience as I started blossoming into this new me, who was trying new things and showing a stronger, confident person to the world, was that others who are still trapped, still stuck, still blocked, do not have the same confidence in you. They may say or do things to bring you down because you are acting differently, the relationship you have with them is not the same.
I had to rid myself (and I say that in the nicest way) of these people, I removed myself from these people as they kept bringing me down. They could not understand how being more self-aware of what was holding me back, allowed me to begin to evolve into the beautiful blossoming goddess I craved to be. A lot of them did not believe that it could be done, that it was all too ‘woo woo’.
At first I bought into this and had my doubts, then I committed to going on this journey for me, not them. Once I did that, it was inevitable that the people in my life that had helped with holding me back drifted away.
New people are now attracted to me, to the fun, to the smiley, sparkly-eyed person I have become and I have formed new exciting friendships that are still with me today.
So, do not let those in your life be the poison. Remove the toxins from the environment and blossom, cultivate that beautiful goddess that you know you are and find the strength in being a balanced, sure-footed and vital person who enjoys every day with passion and child-like abandon.
You can have the balance that you crave and blossom into the goddess you desire.