The lies we tell ourselves are that to be a good mother, good partner, good person we must have a clean and tidy house, be superwoman in all areas of our life for others, to please everyone else and put ourselves last.
I heard a story of the burnt chop. A mother always cooked dinner for her family (spouse and 2 kids). One time a chop was burnt. Who got the burnt chop – the mother, every time something like this happened, she put everyone else’s needs first.
This is not healthy, it is programming from childhood that women must put others needs ahead of their own. This can hold you back from living a balanced life where you are strong, sure-footed and able to have the passionate life you dream of.
Something else that messes our mind so there is not enough space for spontaneity or lightness is the clutter. Clutter in the mind and clutter in our environment.
If you are a hoarder it can mean you have trust issues, something has happened in your life and you have trust issues with people and yourself. When you start trusting yourself life starts to clear, the path ahead becomes stronger and the weight of the world is removed from your shoulders.
If you have incomplete jobs around the house these mess with your mind and your direction as your thoughts are constantly on these. You are tolerating certain things in your life and these can keep you from achieving your goals and vision for life or knowing what you really want out of life.
When you address your clutter, or messes you can streamline your life, free up time (psychologically and physically) to be spontaneous, to have fun and focus on what makes life enjoyable and lighter.
Stop letting the messes, irritations and tolerances distract you from the life you want to create. They take your attention away from what is important. You can also beat yourself up with things like, if I can’t keep a tidy house then how could I achieve any of the goals I dream of.
I had a client who wanted to progress with their business and this meant spending a large chunk of time writing a book. However, they could not focus as their last three years of tax return was not done and it was irritating them by being constantly on their mind. So, we decided that they stop the book, get the taxes done and then get back to the book. My client was so overjoyed when energy went in to complete what was irritating her so she could be free to write the book she was dreaming of writing.
It has been said that if you cannot tackle the past, how can you fully be able to embrace the present let alone the future.
Do something today that will start the process of clearing out the clutter and the past to make way for you living today and planning a magnificent future.
Put some effort into the physical clutter:
Go through your emails and clear them, touch them once and move them out
Spring clean your desk at work as this can be a reflection of your mind
Fix the broken or half done jobs around the house or organise someone to do it now
Spring clean (at any time of year) your clothes, your garage, your linen press, your house
Keep decluttering and do not make it a stressful experience, make it fun, challenge yourself to achieve a bit at a time.
5 steps to clear your physical space to lighten your load psychologically:
1. Keep a list of what is irritating you
2. Write up how you can fix it or who you can delegate it to
3. Schedule in a time to do it that is short bursts not all day
4. Keep only things that you find the beauty in
5. Have a system: Bin it – Giveaway (to friends or charity) – Keep it
I did this with my clothes, I was keeping all the clothes from when I was overweight just in case. Once I cleared this out it was amazing that the fear I had of putting the weight on did not appear again. So, my mind was clear for other goals and activities.
Having the strength to deal with the heaviness that life can throw at you is called being resilient. It can enhance your ability to cope with the tough times or face difficult situations.
Sometimes pressure or having a setback in your life can put undue stress on you and if you do not have the capacity to be resilient it can knock you for a six. You can spiral down like I did in the dark times. I had no ability to manage my emotions or myself when I was suffering. Any little obstacle in my way was magnified.
By having strategies to maintain your strength and ability to be calm under pressure to make composed decisions and get through the tough times is important. There are lots of ways to do this but the most important is knowing what is taking up your time so that you can ensure you prioritise time for yourself. Time to maintain your sense of control on life and do the things that keep you resilient.