We have all heard about how critical work life balance is to live a life without the chaos and distractions and being our best for all parts of our life.
I challenge that concept.
It is not about a balance between your personal life, family and your work, which we have heard in the last few decades. Work-life balance is you walking on a tight rope with the pole teetering side-to-side trying to make sure you are balancing everything in your external life. This is not sustainable, eventually you tilter off balance and fall off the rails only to try and get back on that rope to feel the wobbling coming at you again.
Real balance is from within. It is being strong and stable, grounded, centred, upright and steady with what life throws at us. It is being able to handle the challenges that come our way. It is having inner equilibrium.
The way to true peace in this world is to have physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual balance. It is where we are living above the line as seen in the diagram and experiencing choices, possibilities, lightness, acceptance, adventure, abundance. If you live below the line without inner balance you experience overwhelm, heaviness, blame, fear, guilt, excuses and you are stuck.
Balance will give you the stability to stay on course, to be composed and assured in a chaotic world. When you have balance, you have presence of mind and you can be living in the now, enjoying what comes your way, prioritising your needs so you can be the best version of yourself.
It is not to say that you will not have down days, sadness, grief or anger or to say you are not there to help others. It is to say that you know how to move forward with grace. To be the goddess inside you have always dreamt to be.
To be balanced is to have self-belief, self love, self-assurance, which gives you confidence to go out there and take on the world, to find your adventures, to live with anticipation, lightness and sparkle.
So get out of those high heels and get grounded, feel the earth beneath your feet, be comfortable and not teetering all over the place, be sure of yourself, love yourself and your body and decide what is right for you.
Put yourself in the situation where you have the different elements of your life in the correct proportions for you, not how society tells us the proportions should be.
Do not get caught up in the ‘it’s not fair’ of life where everything happens to everyone else but you or you get anxiety and worry about things that really just do not matter in the scheme of life and the universe.
When you feel that life is unfair you are automatically unhappy. Ask yourself what is fair to you? What is justice to you? Decide if it really does matter? For example, is it fair to say that housework should be 50/50 in a partnership if one of the partners works and the other stays at home? Is it fair that someone got the promotion you were after when you did not even let your intentions be known?
Do you justify that this is how I have always done it so why change? To embrace the new, you need to let go of the old. Stop justifying why you have always done something a certain way and step into a fresh world of opportunities, choice and adventures.
Communicating is part of the balance equation. Communicate your expectations, communicate your feelings, communicate your love. Never assume that people know what you want or think. Never assume that you will always know what you yourself wants or are thinking. Take the time to be present and listen to your thoughts, ask yourself great questions and communicate this to yourself and to others.
Same with judging, stop judging others as it makes you feel bad, it is not healthy and the use of that skill is part of your dark self. Our EGO loves to judge self and others. By doing this it is holding us back, it wants to stop us from moving forward and embracing the uncertainty of life. The EGO holds us back from expanding who we want to become and opposes our growth and progress.
Our EGO lives in our head and operates in fear, it is a survival mechanism. It wants to protect us and keep us safe because it was formed back in the days when we were running around with spears catching our food and keeping us away from those lions and animals that were trying to kill us.
We do not need that anymore, we have very few reasons for the EGO to be scared of now in our modern society. We do need to judge if something is safe like going down a dark alley way or to judge if a person is to be trusted or not but using the dark side of EGO to judge is negative. It is unconstructive to be judging others and ourselves because we will be unhappy, living below the line and not a great person to be around.
Our environment is changing, situations change, relationships change, business changes, technology changes and it goes on. When we resist this, you will experience pain: self-sabotage, procrastination, frustration, depression. This pain comes from the EGO trying to keep you from leaving your comfort zone to expand, to grow and evolve.
Weigh up what is happening in your life right now. Are you stagnant because you are scared of moving forward, do you create drama to get your excitement, do you numb yourself with alcohol so you do not feel the pain of a changing world?
When you are being self-critical with the little voice inside (EGO) telling you not to do something, to keep safe, that something is too scary, investigate it. Ask yourself questions? Is this really a scary situation? What caused me to get that feeling in my stomach? What’s the worst that could happen?
By asking these thoughtful questions it will quiet the inner critic of the EGO to allow you to explore what you really want to do.
As women, we are hard on ourselves, believing that to live a happy, exciting and adventurous life is selfish. Our beliefs are given to us from the past, our families, culture, media and so on. I am here to say that to prioritise ourselves is not being selfish, it is essential.
I specialise in working with women at 40 because I have found with myself and many others that we have felt that stirring that something is not right, that we have given so much of ourselves away to everyone else that now it is time to focus on us.
How we shape our lives is our blueprint. If we do not like our blueprint then we have the choice to change it.
Be open to new opportunities, take action, understand that life is full of choices and meet and prioritise your needs, desires and dreams.
If you do not change your patterns by being open to what is discussed in this book it will just be another book you read and put back on the bookshelf. Life stays the same.
So get out of your head, get into your heart, heighten your senses and design your life to become the woman you truly want to be.