We can all develop emotional intelligence by spending a little bit of time and effort into improving how we think, feel and respond to the people around us and our surroundings.
Emotional Intelligence (EQ or EI) is a term created by two researchers – Peter Salavoy and John Mayer – and popularised by Dan Goleman in his 1996 book of the same name.
EI is the ability to:
1. Recognise, understand and manage our own emotions.
2. Recognise, understand and influence the emotions of others.
In practical terms, this means being aware that emotions can drive our behaviour and impact people (positively and negatively) and learning how to manage those emotions – both our own and others – especially when we are under pressure.
It is initially two main parts. The first half is ‘know yourself’ and the other half of EQ is 'know your impact on others'.
There is no way you can do one without the other.
We can explain this more thoroughly through the quadrant model.
Self Awareness and Self Management (know yourself) and Social Awareness and Relationship Management (know your impact on others).
It will make you so much more successful in business and in your personal life if you are emotionally intelligent.
The first one is self-awareness. It is how self-aware are you and you will know because you will have worked on yourself.
If you have not done the work on yourself, you will notice the impact in your life. You won’t know exactly why you do the things you do and you won’t know your triggers and why you have those triggers.
Have a think about your self-awareness, how much work have you done on it? You are either into it or you are not and if you are sitting there going what is self-awareness, what is she talking about, then don’t worry.
Give yourself a rating out of ten for how much you are able to self manage.
Just to show you how serious this is, Amy Winehouse died, because of an inability to self-manage.
Anyone who is a bit overweight or drinks too much or does not do the right things that they know are important to do, like eat well, drink water, exercise and keep things in moderation has a self-regulation issue on some level.
Give yourself a rating for how good you are socially. Being able to talk to strangers and make friends and relate to people.
It is a very important skill. Notice how successful people are very good socially.
Give yourself a rating as to how good you are with relationships. Being able to connect with others on a deep level.
With great relationship management skills, you will understand other people’s behaviour and be sensitive to their needs and wants.
What is your rating for your relationship management?
Once you have rated your current self, have a look at your gaps. What are the gaps, what points are you chasing? Where are your strengths and challenges?