What is keeping you trapped?
Are you trapped in your mind, your body, your soul, your circumstances, your environment or in your emotions?
Why do we behave a certain way to keep ourselves trapped?
Knowing the reason behind our behaviour is essential to be able to break free from the feeling of being trapped, to living Groundhog Day over and over so we become more composed and self assured as we navigate the life we are living.
No one really knows why someone behaves a certain way. We do not know what they think or how they think. Everyone perceives the world differently and uniquely. We all see, hear and feel things differently. What we can know is why we ourselves behave a certain way and what is keeping us trapped.
Our filters affect this. Our filters are our beliefs, our values, our attitudes, what we inherited and the culture we were born into.
If you think of the iceberg metaphor, what is above the water line is the observed behaviour that you see of others and yourself.
Below the waterline is unconscious and are all the things that affect or drive our behaviour - values, beliefs, attitudes, culture, behavioural energy type, and our filters.
No one person has the exact same experiences; no one person gives the exact same meaning to an event that occurs in their life. We also cannot judge someone on their behaviour at a specific moment in time, as ‘a person is not their behaviour’. They are a combination of many things that may be going on for them at that time and what is below the waterline.
All of this is unconscious so the way we behave is not even done on a conscious level a lot of the time.
Think of being one of 5 witnesses to a car and bike accident. No report of the accident will be exactly the same. We will see it from different angles, our mind will have filtered out or deleted information according to our experiences – what colour was the car for example, how close were they travelling together, at what speed. Our minds will generalise and believe that fault lies with who they do not relate with – I don’t like bikes, they cause accidents – so you may see the accident in this light. We also distort or delete information depending on whether our mind deems it an important fact to us or not.
Have you ever been standing in a room at a party and talking intently to someone, not noticing any of the other conversations at all, until you think you heard your name being mentioned. This is your mind filtering out everything that is unimportant but when your name is stated it says, ‘that’s important’ and lets you know on a conscious level.
If you start understanding that everyone is different and no one person will believe exactly what you believe or behave how you behave in every part of your life, then you can understand that behaviour can be caused by a myriad of reasons due to our different filters. You then can accept what is happening around you and accept others more readily.
When you have acceptance, life becomes less of the blame and criticism of others around you and more of understanding that everyone comes from a difference place and has different things going on for them. Life becomes lighter and less stressful when you can let that go.
Our behaviour is also determined by the roles we take on as adults that were created when we were children – people pleaser, rebel, drama queen, hero, scapegoat, mascot or caretaker are roles coming from what happened to us as children. Therefore, our behaviour can be according to our roles.
If you can understand that these roles were taken on as children to protect yourself, get attention and to survive, then you are able to move on as an adult and take on the person and role you really were meant to be as you matured. As you get older you do not have the same need to hang on to these survival roles. You can be who you want to be and realise that some roles no longer serve us, we can change the role then our behaviour can evolve.
When we start looking beneath the surface of ourselves and our behaviour we can create more balance in our lives, be more fulfilled and open ourselves up to new and exciting experiences.
I found that my behaviour was all about people pleasing. I did it as a child as this was the easiest way to get attention from my parents, when I was the good girl, I did things for everyone else, I did not dare voice my dream of being independent from others, not relying on a man for my happiness, having my own business/career.
This did not serve me as an adult. I lost who I was, I was always drained of energy being there for everyone else, I had no time for myself to see why I felt the way I did or behaved the way I did. The resentment and guilt was always bubbling under the surface.
Understanding what is under the waterline for me has been the key to living with less self-judgement and criticism of others. I understand that I am responsible for my responses to events which is so empowering.
It can be your beliefs, your excuses, your lack of self-awareness that can cause blockages so you do not live an exciting and fun filled life due to all these other things that keep you trapped in the safety of your comfort zone.